Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I realized that I had no fucking clue where I was or where I was going.
I'm not exactly at a crossroads per se, as I don't really have any impending, life-changing decisions looming overhead at this exact moment. It's more like I'm having a rest by the side of the road, but I can see the crossroads in the distance. I'm still enjoying the break, but I know it's going to be time get moving soon. What then?
Well, first of all I gotta go back to school. That's a given. It's not so cut and dried as that, though: when do I go back, where do I go, and what do I go back to study? The original plan was to go back to school in the fall, probably to the local community college or to one in the Rochester or Buffalo area. I don't see any reason to change that plan, except for that Vicki and I aren't really sure where we will be living or will want to be living. Since I flunked out of Geneseo like a champ, my chances of getting into a "real" college seem low. And expensive (your financial aid gets cut when your grades suck). Still, that's something I really should research, as cutting out the community college step would be advantageous.
I'm less worried about what college I go to as opposed to what I go back to study. The way I see, I have three potential and relatively disparate paths.
The first path, and the one that would probably make me happiest, would be to pursue a career in game design. When I was still a young'un, I always wanted to make video games. While now I think I might be happier designing RPGs or card games, pretty much any sort of game design would pretty much be my dream job. The problems with this path are many: first and foremost, the industry is an absolute bitch to break into. It's one of those catch 22 situations where you need experience to get a job, but you have no real way of getting experience.
The best way to get into the gaming business is to freelance a product or two. Make a name for yourself. I've tried on more than one occasion to finish a project of some significant scope, but have failed for a number of reasons. Mostly because I simply lost motivation. Others, I tried to create a team to keep ideas flowing and lessen the total workload. Either no one proved interested or no one remained interested long enough to do anything significant. I admit that some of this is my fault -- if I was more aggressive I could probably join some random freelance creative team for some unknown and probably low-rent game that wouldn't make much noise, but would at least give me a resume. Problem is that, like I've mentioned, I'm a control freak. I'd probably either get frustrated myself or frustrate my partners by pushing too hard for whatever idea I happen to fancy at the moment. On the flipside, I'm not really 100% confident in my ability to successfully lead such an endeavor. So as cool as it would be, it seems unlikely that I could ever truly make a career out of game design.
My next option would be to enter the realm of politics. Quite a jump, eh? While it obviously wouldn't be as fun, this path would be much more fulfulling. I joked when I was in school that I wanted to be president someday. I still do, like I'm sure many others, believe that I could do things "right." I've got a few things working against me, though.
For one, my not-so-stellar first run at college might prove a hindurance. I can picture the smear-ad campaigns now. Second, I'm not white, and I don't come from a rich family. Not to say that you have to be a rich white person to get into office... but there have only been 3 black senators. Ever. And two of them were within the last decade. If I were to get into politics, I'd want to be at least a senator. I mean, does anyone ever care about Representatives? Another major roadblock would be that I am vehemently anti-partisan. I fall closer to Democrat than Republican, and I'd most certainly have to declare for one side or the other to get anywhere. That's a compromise I'd be unhappy to make. Would I then be expected to ride the party line? How much would I have to compromise to get anything done? Getting into an office and then not being able to do anything because of partisan politics would be worse than not even getting there. In the end, it's entirely probably that would probably accomplish nothing at all. No, I have a feeling that a career in politics would be nowhere near as fulfilling as I would hope.
So then what? My third and final option is, simply, to write. I'd like to write a novel, but I don't know that I could be a novelist. I'd consider being a critic, but I worry that I might become a critical person. You know, one of those obnoxious curmudgeons who doesn't like anything. On the upside, writing would allow me a lot of freedom. I could write about games and politics if I wanted. But of course, writing has another problem: it's a hard industry to get into.
Great.
I'm not exactly at a crossroads per se, as I don't really have any impending, life-changing decisions looming overhead at this exact moment. It's more like I'm having a rest by the side of the road, but I can see the crossroads in the distance. I'm still enjoying the break, but I know it's going to be time get moving soon. What then?
Well, first of all I gotta go back to school. That's a given. It's not so cut and dried as that, though: when do I go back, where do I go, and what do I go back to study? The original plan was to go back to school in the fall, probably to the local community college or to one in the Rochester or Buffalo area. I don't see any reason to change that plan, except for that Vicki and I aren't really sure where we will be living or will want to be living. Since I flunked out of Geneseo like a champ, my chances of getting into a "real" college seem low. And expensive (your financial aid gets cut when your grades suck). Still, that's something I really should research, as cutting out the community college step would be advantageous.
I'm less worried about what college I go to as opposed to what I go back to study. The way I see, I have three potential and relatively disparate paths.
The first path, and the one that would probably make me happiest, would be to pursue a career in game design. When I was still a young'un, I always wanted to make video games. While now I think I might be happier designing RPGs or card games, pretty much any sort of game design would pretty much be my dream job. The problems with this path are many: first and foremost, the industry is an absolute bitch to break into. It's one of those catch 22 situations where you need experience to get a job, but you have no real way of getting experience.
The best way to get into the gaming business is to freelance a product or two. Make a name for yourself. I've tried on more than one occasion to finish a project of some significant scope, but have failed for a number of reasons. Mostly because I simply lost motivation. Others, I tried to create a team to keep ideas flowing and lessen the total workload. Either no one proved interested or no one remained interested long enough to do anything significant. I admit that some of this is my fault -- if I was more aggressive I could probably join some random freelance creative team for some unknown and probably low-rent game that wouldn't make much noise, but would at least give me a resume. Problem is that, like I've mentioned, I'm a control freak. I'd probably either get frustrated myself or frustrate my partners by pushing too hard for whatever idea I happen to fancy at the moment. On the flipside, I'm not really 100% confident in my ability to successfully lead such an endeavor. So as cool as it would be, it seems unlikely that I could ever truly make a career out of game design.
My next option would be to enter the realm of politics. Quite a jump, eh? While it obviously wouldn't be as fun, this path would be much more fulfulling. I joked when I was in school that I wanted to be president someday. I still do, like I'm sure many others, believe that I could do things "right." I've got a few things working against me, though.
For one, my not-so-stellar first run at college might prove a hindurance. I can picture the smear-ad campaigns now. Second, I'm not white, and I don't come from a rich family. Not to say that you have to be a rich white person to get into office... but there have only been 3 black senators. Ever. And two of them were within the last decade. If I were to get into politics, I'd want to be at least a senator. I mean, does anyone ever care about Representatives? Another major roadblock would be that I am vehemently anti-partisan. I fall closer to Democrat than Republican, and I'd most certainly have to declare for one side or the other to get anywhere. That's a compromise I'd be unhappy to make. Would I then be expected to ride the party line? How much would I have to compromise to get anything done? Getting into an office and then not being able to do anything because of partisan politics would be worse than not even getting there. In the end, it's entirely probably that would probably accomplish nothing at all. No, I have a feeling that a career in politics would be nowhere near as fulfilling as I would hope.
So then what? My third and final option is, simply, to write. I'd like to write a novel, but I don't know that I could be a novelist. I'd consider being a critic, but I worry that I might become a critical person. You know, one of those obnoxious curmudgeons who doesn't like anything. On the upside, writing would allow me a lot of freedom. I could write about games and politics if I wanted. But of course, writing has another problem: it's a hard industry to get into.
Great.
posted by Kultcher at Wednesday, June 29, 2005
2 Comments:
Well I think your biggest problem is that you are not confident at all. You say you are arrogent but I don't think so. You just lack the confidence to believe you can succeed in which ever field you choose. At least thats how I see it. Look back on these posts you never seem sure of anything! Just some constructive critism :-) You are a smart guy I know if you just stick to one dream and put in the work it takes to get there you will be good at anything..except politics, you are too honest and being black doesnt help ;-)
Smitty get in touch.
Not only do I share your views on games as a career, I share your political views too. I might just be the white version of you =P
I've also talked to Tim about publishing table-top campaigns under my company to give his freelancing a bit more oomph. I've already sent you an email, call me, email me, IM me (AlfredVazquez is the screen name now). Just get in touch.
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